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Joke Time = Fun Time


man-machine

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Tonight's posting is being done to the backdrop of the movie Titanic.

 

What a great movie with a great ship captain. At first he seemed angry about that bumper sticker someone put on the back of the ship that says: "How's my sinking?"

 

But then he rises to the challenge by making announcements over the PA system:

 

"Ladies and gentlemen the bad new is we hit an iceberg and are taking on water. The good news is the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet is now featuring fresh fish."

 

 

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Ok, third and final post for tonight, and it's "Shop Humor"

 

Humor for most situations, like that guy who's making some horrible chattering sound while machining, say things like: "Finish cut?" .... "Are you going for a 8 RMS satin microfinish?"

 

"Could you keep the noise down? We're getting complaints fro the bowling alley next door."

 

"Hey the guy across the street running the jackhammer went home early saying he couldn't stand the racket

 

So what about me? I'm a terrible machinist because I ruin everything I work on. In fact when I was layed off for a year and not working the scrap metal traders on Wall Street were jumping out of windows.

 

I introduced world-class manufacturing tolerances such as Plus or Minus a Hammer Handle, and the pinnacle of accuracy: "Dead Nuts Scrap" .... If it's undersize by an inch I make sure that inch is within .0002"

 

There is other careers out there for me like selling AOL dialup from a JC Penny store, or maybe welder in a fireworks factory. Christmas is over and the Mistletoe Beltbuckles didn't sell like I hoped, neither did the ATV kickstands or my new line of biodegradable roofing products. Colorado weed thing? I'm getting less hits than an Amish website.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wow, great crowd, I worked up the nerve to come back after the recent rash of thefts from the company breakroom refrigerator (burp) quickly, let's review:

 

Monday: The Frito Fiasco

Tuesday: Dill Pickle Debacle

Wednesday: The Cupcake Chronicles

 

Plus they just hired a new Quality Source Inspector and the guy's name is Larry Bevel.

My question: "Larry Bevel? What's his angle?"

 

Outside of work, more problems with the girlfriend's eighteen year old overweight daughter, not only does she want to go skydiving for her graduation, she wants the optional jump video to be done also. Disney already has a movie with the same storyline, it's called: Operation Dumbo Drop. Do I really need to spend any more weekends sitting around listening to her pants stretch? And she backsasses me too, she said:

 

"I don't have to respect you, you're not my real dad."

 

So I told her:

 

"The next time you need help with your car, you're not my real daughter."

 

 

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So on this forum my location says Western Colorado, and to be exact it's Grand Junction, Colorado. Don't laugh, this town is getting a lot more hip, I just saw a covered wagon with ground effects.

 

You know you met your ideal soulmate love match in this town, your singlewide and her singlewide have the same centerline bolt pattern. And that new carpet? Much less wear & tear now that your wife and sister are the same person. There hasn't been any deaths in NASCAR lately but if there is the local trailerparks are requesting that all clothesline undershirts be flown at half-staff.

 

My housetrailer has the premium upgrade features like the special Child Neglect Room with walk-in meth lab. Not only is the foundation skirted, so are most of my male friends. 

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