Lumberyard Humor.....

[comp56]

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk replies, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The guy scratches his head and says, "I'll go check," and goes back to the truck.

He returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The guy pauses for a minute and says, "I better go check." After a while, he returns to the office and says, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

[madman_us]

that's a good one

[chadlanthier]

That was bad

[Conductor562]

Not really "lumber yard" but here's one I like. Let me also say I have no issue or prejudices regarding hairlips, I'm simply repeating the joke as I heard it.  

 

 

A man, a woman, and a hairlip, all 3 show up for a job as a toothbrush salesman. Their sales experience being equal, the manager says "tell you what, here's a case of toothbrushes for each of you. Whoever sells the most by tomorrow gets the job". So they went out selling them.

 

The next morning the manager asks how many they sold. "300" said the man, "175" says the woman, and the hairlip says "I didn't sell any, but I think it's because of the way I talk. Give me one more day to try". The manager agrees and they all went back out to sell some more.

 

The next morning the man had sold another 250, the woman another 125, and the hairlip says, "I didn't sell any, but there's a trick to this and I'm gonna find it. I just need one more day". The manager agrees and again they go out to sell. 

 

On the 3rd morning they return. The man had sold and additional 50, the woman had stepped up and sold 300, and the man and woman instantly started arguing about which one should get the job as they'd both sold 600 over 3 days. The manager tells them to settle down and asks the hairlip how many he sold. "2,500" replied the hairlip and hands the manager the money. "God God son, that's the company record for a weeks time, how in the hell did you sell that many in 1 day?" The hairlip replies "I told you there was a trick to it and that I'd find it. I went over to the airport and set up a table at the baggage claim that said FREE CHIPS AND DIP. The people took a chip, dipped it in the dip, and said "Damn, that taste like shit" and I said "It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?"